Sunday, April 28, 2013

Life and Death

I lost two very important loved ones these last two weeks. My eldest brother died from suicide on April 17th. My beautiful brother who was in so much pain from constant depression and severe anxiety. I'm lucky to have been apart of his life for my 32 years. I will miss him so much but I know he hurt so much and that in death he is now at peace.

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Just a few days later one of my very close friends went into a coma following elective surgery and was taken off life support a few days after that. I am heart-broken for those she leaves behind. I have a hole in my heart and soul that will never be filled again. With her death she took part of it.

My friend was a giver. She gave her whole heart. She made everyone feel how special they are. She gave hugs and her laugh was intoxicating. She sent her love to all in any way she could. She loved dark beer. She was insightful. She babysat my son so my husband and I could go out for a few ours for our anniversary. She was always willing to listen to others despite the shit going on in her own.

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She had lost her younger sister just 6 weeks earlier and she was there for me for the few days when I told her about my own brother. She told me she'd be there for me, maybe a bit drugged up because of the pain meds, but we would grieve for our siblings together. I told her I loved her and I'd see her after her surgery. I never got to.

My beautiful Sarah, you are a giver and a lover. Forever in my heart and soul.

How do I move on? I take care of my family and hug my son and husband a bit more. I appreciate more my friends and don't take them for granted. I breathe in life as best I can and live it. Each second I have is amazing. It's a very short time I'm alive. I gotta live it.

I take her beautiful girls and give them hugs and memories of their beautiful mother.

Life is not fair. But life just is. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Gut-wrenching and awe-inspiring all in one. That's the risk we take in living is loving. We give pieces of our hearts and soul to those we love and in turn they give is theirs. That's what makes life worth living is the ones we love and love us back. Humanity. We are here for each other and to me that is the most meaningful part of life. We take our memories and live our lives and our loved ones live on in our hearts and minds.

Our memories build a special bridge
When loved one have to part
To help us feel we're with them still
And soothe a grieving heart
They span the years and warm our lives
preserving ties that bind
Our memories build a special bridge
And brings us peace of mind
----Emily Matthews

Monday, April 1, 2013


It's crazy how fast time flies. We've already seen Gabe turn 4

May all your wishes come true, Gabe.
Happy 4th, Gabe!

and now Spring is officially here. Easter is a great way to celebrate Spring and rebirth and the cycles of life, and flowers!

Egg coloring!!
Easter egg coloring!

Crayon art!
Spring art with crayons and a blow dryer :)

I even got a hike in before the plague of death (aka Influenza) hit our house for two weeks, which we're still recovering from....

#hiking #battlecreek
Hiked up to Battle Creek near our home

#battlecreek #hiking
I loved the Sun with the trees

I planted a few flowers in some containers. We have no yard to speak of so we have to make use of our tiny front and back porches. We do have some side dirt too, but the dirt is horrible so we'll have to figure out how to get the dirt from clay to good soil!

I planted flowers! We shall see if they survive....
My first attempt at planting flowers!

Gabe and Shadow.
Gabe and his kitty Shadow snuggling

And to celebrate Spring and Easter we headed out to the Holi Festival of Colors at our local Hare Krishna Temple...

Color Festival!

Gabe so colorful!

Archie and Gabe at Color Festival.

I also break out my cooking chops and make crepes Easter morning and invite up my family to share with them. I've been doing this for the past three years!!!

So a big hearty welcome to Spring. Even though it's literally cloudy and raining outside while I type this, I know warm days are continually just around the corner.

Oh, and to top it all off, I watched The Hobbit for the first time with my brother, son, and hubby :) A perfect way to end the day.