Sunday, April 28, 2013

Life and Death

I lost two very important loved ones these last two weeks. My eldest brother died from suicide on April 17th. My beautiful brother who was in so much pain from constant depression and severe anxiety. I'm lucky to have been apart of his life for my 32 years. I will miss him so much but I know he hurt so much and that in death he is now at peace.

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Just a few days later one of my very close friends went into a coma following elective surgery and was taken off life support a few days after that. I am heart-broken for those she leaves behind. I have a hole in my heart and soul that will never be filled again. With her death she took part of it.

My friend was a giver. She gave her whole heart. She made everyone feel how special they are. She gave hugs and her laugh was intoxicating. She sent her love to all in any way she could. She loved dark beer. She was insightful. She babysat my son so my husband and I could go out for a few ours for our anniversary. She was always willing to listen to others despite the shit going on in her own.

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She had lost her younger sister just 6 weeks earlier and she was there for me for the few days when I told her about my own brother. She told me she'd be there for me, maybe a bit drugged up because of the pain meds, but we would grieve for our siblings together. I told her I loved her and I'd see her after her surgery. I never got to.

My beautiful Sarah, you are a giver and a lover. Forever in my heart and soul.

How do I move on? I take care of my family and hug my son and husband a bit more. I appreciate more my friends and don't take them for granted. I breathe in life as best I can and live it. Each second I have is amazing. It's a very short time I'm alive. I gotta live it.

I take her beautiful girls and give them hugs and memories of their beautiful mother.

Life is not fair. But life just is. The good, the bad, and the in-between. Gut-wrenching and awe-inspiring all in one. That's the risk we take in living is loving. We give pieces of our hearts and soul to those we love and in turn they give is theirs. That's what makes life worth living is the ones we love and love us back. Humanity. We are here for each other and to me that is the most meaningful part of life. We take our memories and live our lives and our loved ones live on in our hearts and minds.

Our memories build a special bridge
When loved one have to part
To help us feel we're with them still
And soothe a grieving heart
They span the years and warm our lives
preserving ties that bind
Our memories build a special bridge
And brings us peace of mind
----Emily Matthews


  1. Beautiful tribute. Love you.

  2. That is alot to go through in such a short time. So sorry for the loss of these two special people that you loved. We never do know what time we have left, best to make the most of it and enjoy it to the fullest. Hugs to you my friend!

  3. What a beautiful post. I hope your pain is eased in the sharing of it my friend. Hugs and love to you. <3

  4. Heather,
    So much to deal with. Your attitude and love will get you through. Lovely tribute to both of those you loved.

  5. So sorry, Heather. Beautiful thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I know how you feel. It is nice to read your words and feel like somebody gets it. I love you and look forward to as many moments as possible henceforth. You are beautiful and strong. You are a good mother and a wonderful friend. Thank you.

  7. Oh, Heather, I am so sorry to learn of your brother's death. And then to have to grieve Sarah's death right after that. It's too much for one person but somehow we soldier on. Your words are beautiful.

  8. Awe Heather, I am so sorry to hear about the losses you have had to endure recently. I cannot imagine and my heart goes out to you and your family and friends, you are in my thoughts and prayers HUGS!


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